Tips and tricks for delivering bad news from a famous baseball coach

Is it ever possible to give bad news in a good way?

Some would argue not. Having started my working life around three months before the Global Economic Crisis hit, and watching colleague after colleague being made redundant throughout the media industry, I certainly would never have wanted to swap places with the people who had to give the bad news to their employees over and over during that time.

But while over time, some colleagues remembered the action of being made redundant, for others the way they were told stuck in their minds longer than the pain of having to pack up their things and reconsider their lives at a moments’ notice. If you have to deliver bad news, it will always be tough, but the aim is to do it in a way which leaves the bad memory without you in it.

Some of my participants are controllers. Delivering bad news is one of the challenges they find extremely difficult to overcome in English. While one popular theory is that giving negative feedback to English speakers might follow a hamburger approach – i.e., give some positive feedback (the top bun), followed by the negative (the meat), and finished with a positive plan for the future (the bottom bun), in my experience most employees value honesty far more than any trick designed to make them feel better. There is a need to be respectful, but a positive bun full of too much sugar won’t cut it when the negative meat needs to be delivered hard and fast.

xmas

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33 ways of saying Merry Christmas to colleagues, customers, suppliers and close contacts

“Would you rather get a bullet in the head or five to the chest and bleed to death?”

Billy Beane summed it up well in the movie Moneyball, when he taught his intern Peter Brand how to cut players from their team. “Would you rather get a bullet in the head or five to the chest and bleed to death?”, he asks when discussing the prospect of firing someone. There are a number of things to be learned from the tactic Billy uses throughout the movie, who in real life was lauded for his business sense within the sport of baseball. They would include the following:

1. Understand who you’re talking to

When giving negative news to a baseball player, you might need to sweeten it less than when giving it to a secretary renowned for being slightly sensitive to change. What are the main personality traits of the person you are talking to from your experience? Are they culturally inclined to handle the truth quickly? Do your research first on who they are are you will get a better idea how to handle the situation.

2. Sugar coating the truth doesn’t make it better

Saying nice things around the bad news won’t make the person feel better. Some cultures don’t use imperatives nearly as often as others (i.e. I hear German clients saying ‘do this please” while British clients might say “could you do this please?’), but all cultures value honesty. Keep your wording polite but also keep the sentences short and to the point.

3. Don’t mislead in the hopes of saving someone from bad news

At all times, the aim should be to give all the information you have and in the simplest way to understand. Like ripping off a bandaid, it will hurt less in the long run. People always find out the truth one way or another if you try to embellish the reasons behind the bad news. If you don’t know the answer to something, say so!

4. Keep it short

People don’t appreciate receiving emails with three paragraphs giving them the important news right in the last paragraph. They don’t appreciate the meetings that go for what feels like an eternity before having bad news dropped right at the end like a bomb. Give the bad news quickly and succinctly and then allow time afterwards for explanations and questions. In my first job, when we found out 30% of our department had been made redundant – explaining why they weren’t in the meeting – I certainly appreciated getting the news first up without a long winded explanation first.

5. Be confident

Billy oozes confidence throughout Moneyball and it’s one of the reasons he was so successful at his craft; and he shows in this clip that the second you are on the back foot after giving negative information, you will fall into a hole that is difficult to get out of. Be confident in what you are delivering and why you have to say it, even if you are faking it. Practice beforehand if you find it difficult.

How do you deliver bad news?

An exercise I often do with my clients is to watch the video and discuss whether they think it’s a good way to deliver bad news to their English speaking co-workers and how they think this method is effective or ineffective. While it is certainly an extreme way to deliver such news; direct, honest and without any flowery language around the sides as Peter quickly learns and applies; it is a good example of showing that cultural stereotypes don’t always apply when you need to tell someone something they don’t want to hear.

What tactics have you found to be helpful when delivering bad news? Would you give it like Billy does in Moneyball? Comment below with your feedback.

What comes first, the coffee or the meeting?

Dealing with different expectations in meetings

mediumHave you ever needed to discuss terms and conditions with international partners? You come in ready to get down to business as quickly as possible, only to discover that the others first want to have some small talk or a coffee before discussing business? You might think to yourself, “Are we here to have a nice time or to do business?”

How we expect a meeting to run and how the meeting really progresses might be very different. We can all face the question, “When are we ready to get down to business?” So how do we find the correct balance between small talk and business? How should we identify what our partners (or participants) expect in advance?

General tips to consider before beginning the meeting

  • Find out about your audience in advance. What might be most important to them?
  • Consider following the cues of others in the meeting. How and when do they ask questions?
  • Think about potential differences in expectations and possible solutions in advance.
  • Know what you want to achieve during the meeting and how you wish to do so. Be aware that the audience might not have the same goals or process in mind.
  • Know both formal and informal phrases for dealing with different expectations.
  • Know when to use the phrases you’ve identified.
  • Notice possible mistakes (i.e. starting too soon, ignoring the other participants’ needs, etc.) and ask for feedback
  • Be aware of the importance of company culture.

Some questions to ask yourself before the meeting

  • What do the meeting participants expect?
  • When should I begin discussing business?
  • Is a formal or an informal tone better?
  • Does my company have any official information I can refer to?
  • Where can I go to find out more information about potential pitfalls?
  • What do I feel is a good balance which will accommodate everyone?
  • Would it be beneficial to receive extra training in this area?

Dealing with expectations in international meetings

When preparing for international meetings, we can take inspiration from the 7 dimensions of culture, as defined by Dr. Fons Trompenaar. They are:

  1. Universalism versus Particularism (Rules versus Relationships)
  2. Individualism versus Communitarianism (The Individual versus The Group)
  3. Specific versus Diffuse (How Far People Get Involved)
  4. Neutral versus Emotional (How People Express Emotions)
  5. Achievement versus Ascription (How People View Status)
  6. Sequential Time versus Synchronous Time (How People Manage Time)
  7. Internal Direction versus Outer Direction (How People Relate to Their Environment)

The area that best relates to our “getting down to business” scenario is the Specific-Diffuse dilemma. Here’s a quick overview* of this dimension:

Dimension Characteristics Strategies
Specific People keep work and personal lives separate. As a result, they believe that relationships don’t have much of an impact on work objectives, and, although good relationships are important, they believe that people can work together without having a good relationship.
  • Be direct and to the point.
  • Focus on people’s objectives before you focus on strengthening relationships.
  • Provide clear instructions, processes, and procedures.
  • Allow people to keep their work and home lives separate.
Diffuse People see an overlap between their work and personal life. They believe that good relationships are vital to meeting business objectives, and that their relationships with others will be the same, whether they are at work or meeting socially. People spend time outside work hours with colleagues and clients.
  • Focus on building a good relationship before you focus on business objectives.
  • Find out as much as you can about the people that you work with and the organizations that you do business with.
  • Be prepared to discuss business on social occasions, and to have personal discussions at work.
  • Try to avoid turning down invitations to social functions.

*Taken from: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/seven-dimensions.htm

You could ask

Specific

  • Do functions and roles define relationships with others?
  • Is written communication more important than face-to-face or telephone?
  • Are closed questions more often used than open questions?

Diffuse

  • Do relationships with others define functions and roles?
  • Is the background story or information necessary for understanding specifics?
  • Is it valuable to invest time in getting to know each other directly and personally?

As the saying goes, being well prepared is half the battle

Although it might take a bit more time, considering the questions shown above should help you to be better prepared for meeting situations where individuals have different expectations. If you would like to learn more, have a look at our intercultural seminars or some more of our intercultural blog posts.

The elements of effective teams

In order to be effective your team needs a number of key elements to be present. Elements such as clarity of purpose, shared awareness of roles and constructive communication. These elements are not difficult to achieve but they do take focus and effort. Take a moment and ask yourself two simple questions – How many teams are you currently part of?  And how effective are these teams?  The first question is easy, but the second? Working in teams is so common for many of us that we just don’t take the time to reflect on how effectively we are actually performing – and so we miss an opportunity to develop ourselves, our team and our impact on our organization’s goals. Researchers have shown over and over again, that these elements are essential for effective teams. Businesses which recognize their importance and work at maintaining them, are rewarded with teams that consistently perform and achieve their targets. Ignoring them leads to unachieved goals, wasted potential and demotivated staff.

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What does an effective team look like?

Here’s a simple tool we use when running workshops with existing teams. Some of these questions are hopefully familiar, but too often we see goal-oriented teams typically neglect the softer aspects explored by questions 8-10. Select one team of which you are currently a member.  Now ask yourself the following questions, rating on a 1 to 5 scale, with 1 being low and 5 being high:

  1. Do we have a clearly defined purpose?
  2. Are our roles and responsibilities well-defined, understood and followed?
  3. Do we have the tools and resources we need to achieve our objectives?
  4. Do we listen to each other?
  5. Do we all actively participate in problem solving?
  6. Do we work constructively through conflict?
  7. Does our team leader approve of our work, providing relevant and specific feedback on whether we are meeting expectations?
  8. Do we work and learn together?
  9. Do we take time out to assess our progress?
  10. Would we work together on another team?

Your score

Effective teams should be expecting to score 40+.  Outstanding teams score 45+.  What did you score? And what are you going to do now? Why not check out Target Training’s seminar on building effective teams?  Click here for more information.

Working with Chinese colleagues and suppliers

Yes is one of the most simple words to understand in the English language. Or is it?

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VT posterYes is generally perceived as a positive response, and when you’re asking for something in business it’s normally the answer you’re hoping for. My father thought this when he started an importing company in China. On his first few trips to the country he returned having already mentally calculated the profits he was set to make from the customized, high quality parts they had supposedly agreed to put together within weeks for him. The only problem was he didn’t understand the word ‘yes’ like the Chinese did.

Fast forward to now, years later, and he knows that ‘yes’ means something very different in China. When saying ‘yes’, Chinese colleagues only mean that they are listening to you, rather than that your request will be fulfilled or that you have been completely understood. Many problems stemmed from this simple misunderstanding and while now there is a good business relationship between my father and his suppliers, much time was wasted getting to such a point. Artist Yang Liu summed up many of the big differences between Chinese and German cultures in her artwork of the two against one another, from little things like attitudes to standing in a line to how the counterparts view their bosses.

As an inhouse business English trainer in Stuttgart I provide on-the-job support to my client, a department of global purchasers. During the last months , I have come across many participants having to learn the hard way how to get around countless misunderstandings. From our sessions on cultural competence in China, my purchasing participants have shared experiences and identified five common lessons which speed up the process of making a business relationship with a Chinese colleague prosperous.

The group comes first

Chinese colleagues are not interested in individual gains nearly as much as helping the community around them. It’s what the culture is built on and giving individual gains for doing work will not be as effective as creating a positive and motivating team.

The importance of the leader

The boss is highly valued in China, much more so than in Germany. When a problem is getting to a point where it doesn’t seem possible to solve it, get your superior involved a lot earlier than if you were dealing with a colleague from the same culture or at least bring up the possibility in discussions.

They don’t solve problems like you

Whether it’s struggling to say no when they can’t do something, or insisting that everything is ok when it’s not, the Chinese don’t like to directly discuss and deal with a problem or talk about their shortcomings. Learning some ways to politely ask what the problem is, or getting them to take you through their schedule and deciding for yourself if there is a problem, will give better results than simply asking ‘is everything ok?’.

They don’t challenge, they listen

Chinese colleagues will often treat meetings as more of a lecture than a chance to swap ideas and air their grievances, particularly if the boss is present. On a recent trip to China, a translator summed it up well for me in her comparison of our school systems. “For us, we are told what to know and we don’t question it. For you, discussion is encouraged and you are taught to challenge.” Push them to express themselves and know that they’re not entirely comfortable doing it.

They value pleasantries

The Germans are known for seeing small talk as inefficient, but if you want a Chinese colleague to do you a favour you would be a lot better off adding some polite phrasing and extra niceties. It makes them feel as if the workplace is more harmonious and while being direct is more efficient, when they give excuses rather than results such efficiency is out the window.

Phrases for dealing with the Chinese culture

Direct English

English that is better for Chinese dealings
I think you did this wrong. Perhaps next time we could try it like this instead?
You need to do this by Wednesday. If you could do this by next Wednesday, the team can achieve their results.
I will have to get the boss involved if you don’t agree to a solution. Is this a problem that we can solve ourselves or do you think our superiors should give us assistance?
Do you understand? Could you summarise for me what you need to do (to make sure we’re on the same page)?
Are there any problems with this? Please let me know if there are any ways that you can do this more efficiently, because that would really help the team.
Did you get everything finished today? What did you finish today?

Do you want to learn more about the Chinese culture?

If you have any tips or comments on dealing with the Chinese, I’d love to hear them (and so would my participants). Please leave your comments below.

Common contract language decoded

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effective introductions target trainingI remember the first time I had to deal with a contract in German. I felt like I didn’t know what I was agreeing to and it made me really nervous. It seemed like the message was hidden behind complicated words which I didn’t truly understand. So when several of my participants who work in the purchasing department asked me to help them understand the language of legal contracts in English, I could really identify with their apprehension. If you are responsible for deciphering the meaning of a work-related contract or in your personal life, it is very challenging- even if you are confident about your language skills.

Understanding contract language doesn’t have to be quite as difficult as you might think, if you know some of the basic vocabulary which is commonly used. Below we are going to look at some commonly used phrases which you might encounter in contracts and what they mean in plain language. We’ve arranged them in categories to help you. (These phrases are intended to help you understand what is meant; they do not replace your legal department.)

At the beginning

  • This contract agreement sets forth the terms and conditions during the term hereof. = In this contract you will find the basic requirements related to the agreed time frame.
  • These are the obligations pursuant to this document. = These are the requirements which are relevant for this document.
  • Article 1, hereinafter referred to as 1.0, stipulates the mandatory conditions. = Article 1, which is shown as 1.0 later in the document, states which conditions are required.

What are the conditions?

  • The user is obligated to adhere to the conditions expressly set forth in this agreement. = The user needs to follow the conditions listed in the agreement.
  • Conditions are subject to change in accordance with the standards set forth in this agreement. = The rules can be changed in the way shown in the agreement.
  • A breach of contract leads to the immediate termination of this agreement.= The contract ends if the contract conditions are broken.

What are my rights?

  • The company retains all intellectual property rights and modifications thereof. = The intellectual property rights and changes belong to the company.
  • The aforementioned conditions do not affect the companies’ rights. = The previous terms do not change the companies’ rights.
  • The stipulations set forth in this agreement are binding.= The agreements in this document are obligatory (not optional).

What is it going to cost?

  • Unless otherwise agreed to in writing, charges will be invoiced upfront. = Costs are collected in advance, unless other arrangements are written into the contract.
  • The user is not entitled to any refunds, credits, or early termination for any reason. = The user has no right to ask for money back, credits or to end the contract earlier than planned.
  • Premature termination of the contract shall not release the user of their obligation to pay any fees that have accrued. = The user still needs to pay fees which they created even if the contract ends early.

More on contract language

 

Without boundaries – Why I believe the digital learning experience represents the future of L&D

I work for a leading global engineering company (one of the largest) extending its profitable global business over the past 150 years with offices across America, Asia, and Europe. It is recognized for its innovative, digital working environment, passion for its brand and customers and as a place where talented people are inspired and challenged to release their full potential.

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A transformation towards the power of the individual

Originally coming from Silicon Valley to Germany in the late nineties, I have been able to grow professionally by overseeing a variety of HR initiatives in attracting, developing, engaging and enabling talent all along the HR landscape. For the past fifteen years, my focus was heavily on building talent management strategies which helped enable and retain people.

Today, I am experiencing for the first time a major transformation in the marketplace towards savvy social employees whose choices and opinions can have a dramatic impact on the bottom line. This shift to the power of the individual is transforming the relationship between workers and employers. Corporate training is undergoing a total transformation, and the concepts of “evaluation and assessment” are being replaced by better engagement, interaction, empowerment and quality learning.

Building a learning experience to meet the challenge

With Industrial 4.0 and the digitalization of our workforce, we are seeing a fast-growing new marketplace for tools and providers which should help us meet this challenge. In a highly competitive climate, I believe it is imperative that L&D professionals develop strategies to continue to close the skill gap while ensuring an even greater employee experience. To tackle this challenge, many L&D leaders are moving towards building a long standing learning experience.

This shift requires a transformation in how we handle future L&D initiatives. As the economy picks up and companies are competing for people again, businesses want

  • HR technology that directly drive employee engagement, help improve employment brand, and platforms that harness and reach out into the internet.
  • learning software that builds a compelling self-directed digital learning environment,
  • goal management tools that are agile, easy to use, and help people develop.

3 goals for harnessing technology to boost inspiration, collaboration and learning

Technology has the ability to boost inspiration, collaboration and learning and I believe technology will have a key role in helping empower L&D professionals to do a vital job. Employees today are already using an array of digital devices outside of work, so it makes sense to make the most of them in every learning environment.

  1. Our focus should be on turning learning environments into connected centers where training is delivered in collaborative, interactive and creative ways.
  2. Everything from mobile devices, online learning solutions and interactive platforms should give employees the chance to access what they need, discover something new, and then share it instantly with their peers.
  3. Employees can work with each other on projects, get advice, discover new sources of information, and generate and discuss ideas.

This approach will make the learning experience richer, more productive and enjoyable without boundaries.

Related posts (from secret L&D managers)

Who is the secret L&D manager?

The “secret L&D manager” is actually a group of L&D managers. They are real people who would prefer not to mention their name or company – but do want to write anonymously so they can openly and directly share their ideas and experience with peers.

 

3 communication problems faced in meetings and 9 facilitation strategies that will solve them

Even if you’re well organized, with a clear agenda and purpose, basic communication problems can arise that can derail your meeting very quickly. If it’s your job to moderate a meeting, you need to be able to get clear decisions without wasting too much time. Below, we present a few common communication problems and basic facilitation skills that can solve them and get your meeting back on track.

medium

Problem 1: Deadlock

Situation: The group discusses an issue fully, but no agreement can be reached because no one changes their opinion. Here’s an example:

Chris: That brings us back to the question: do we want to host the event in Denmark or Croatia?

Dana: It’s too cold in Denmark. Let’s go to Croatia.

Richard: I still don’t understand why we can’t just do it in Germany.

Mark: Russia! Russia! Russia!

Laura: We’ve been talking about this for an hour. Can’t we just choose one?

Strategies for dealing with deadlock

  • take a break and try again, but with a clear time limit to make a decision
  • make a temporary decision that can be changed later
  • use a problem-solving tool like the FOCUS model

Problem 2: Unimportant points

Situation: The group discusses trivial points and wastes time. For example:

Mike: So should the picture be on page 343 or page 344 of the report?

Strategies for dealing with unimportant points

  • as facilitator, give one person the power to make a final decision
  • scan the agenda and delete unimportant items before the meeting, then discuss those points with the relevant colleague privately
  • if there’s one idea that everyone seems to be happy with, name it as the choice and quickly move to the next point

Problem 3: stubbornness

Situation: One person sticks to their opinion no matter what anyone else says, and refuses to change their opinion. For example:

Tina: I don’t care what you say, I insist that we use Acme as our telephone company.

John: But Acme is the most expensive.

Tina: That’s true. But our telephone company must be Acme.

Strategies for dealing with stubbornness

  • ask questions to find out why your colleague insists on this one option. Maybe there is information the group doesn’t know that can help the discussion move forward. Insist on full answers to your questions.
  • rather than attacking what you see as a stubborn approach, try to put yourself in your colleague’s shoes. The situation might look differently from their perspective.
  • if the colleague still refuses to change, apologize and tell them that while you value their opinion, the group has made another choice

The basics of reader-oriented writing

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cult guidelines VT poster A3Good writing is more than perfect grammar or a large vocabulary

Writing is a skill that requires practice regardless of what language you write in. This holds true not only for fiction, but also for writing reports and other business correspondence. How many times have you received a poorly written email or read a report from a colleague that left you scratching your head? The problem often lies in who the writer is focused on. Too often, that focus is either on the writer or the content and not where it should be: the reader. By focusing on the needs of the reader, the writer can deliver the message more effectively and ensure the attention of the reader will be maintained.

The goal is to put the reader in the spotlight

You want to keep the reader’s interest stimulated so they keep reading. Once you are able to answer the questions below and have analyzed what you want to achieve, then you are ready to choose a format or text structure and start writing. You will find that your writing is more directed, and you will gain confidence in your writing ability because you will know why you are writing.

Who are my readers?

Such a simple question, but if you don’t know who your audience is, you are basically writing for yourself, and then it becomes just an ego piece.

Where are my readers from?

This could be relevant. Knowing where your readers are from will help you understand them from a cultural perspective.

What excites them?

This should be the question, not “How do I not bore them?” Once you discover what excites your readers, you will have them hooked, and they will keep coming back for more.

What are they afraid of?

The knowledge of what your readers’ fears are will help you keep the reader engaged by avoiding topics that would cause them to stop reading your piece.

What do I want to share with them and why?

This takes the first question and goes a bit deeper. It is important to understand the reasons behind writing in the first place. It is assumed you have a message or information you want to convey, but knowing why the audience would be interested makes it easier to write more effectively.

How is my content relevant to my intended audience?

It is important to try and see things from the reader’s perspective. If you don’t know the relevancy of your message, the intended audience won’t know it, either. They also won’t waste their time reading what you have written.

What is my and my organization’s history with them?

If you have previous experience with your audience, you can draw on this and learn from it in order to produce more interesting content. Take a previously produced piece and ask yourself how it could have been better. From this introspection, your subsequent pieces will be increasingly valuable to your readers.

How do they like to receive information?

The structure and layout of your content is just as important as the message. Maybe your readers don’t like dense passages full of explanations and prefer lighter writing with graphical explanations. Maybe it’s the opposite. Either way, you owe it to them to find out.

What questions do they have?

Once you understand your readers well enough, you can predict what questions they would ask. By including the answers in your writing, the readers feel you know them well, and they trust you more.

We’re always delighted to hear from you

You know what to do…

(If you are interested in learning more about reader-oriented writing, please consider Target Training’s seminar on this topic)

Storytelling in presentations

What makes a presentation memorable?

I think you’ll agree with me that a memorable presentation has more to it than the introduction, some main points, a summary, a conclusion and time for questions. The presentations I remember best and enjoyed the most have all had one thing in common – a story. Stories have been used throughout history to teach and using them in a presentation makes it more memorable and more interesting for your audience.

Personalize it

As a company of trainers, we know that personalization is key to successful learning. This is a very sound piece of advice which applies to any form of learning. Personalization draws the audience in, it makes them feel involved. People who care about what you say will listen to you and remember your message. This may be hard to do when reporting on last year’s figures, but with a bit of imagination, there’s always a way.

Watch the experts

The rest of this post is dedicated to the great presenters of TED. This playlist on storytelling has six great videos. The first video in this post is a presentation by Andrew Stanton. It has a particularly interesting opening. The rest of the video is worth watching too. The second video is by Simon Sinek, who talks about inspirational leadership and the golden circle.

We are always delighted to hear from you

The comments box is yours!

 

Communicating across cultures – What’s in a name?

Communicating across cultures begins with the understanding that one size does not fit all

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mediumDifferences in cultures, as we see so often, can lead to a host of great and small misunderstandings. Take something as simple as a name. It is entirely common in some German companies to use Mr. or Mrs, followed by the surname, even after years of working together. This custom can confuse a visitor from a different culture to the point that negotiations and/or meetings are less successful than they could have been – if only one of the parties had addressed the elephant in the room: How do we address each other?

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.”

What is perfectly acceptable in one culture may be perceived as too informal or unprofessional in another and that is also for true for the use of someone’s name. Business, conducted by Germans and non-Germans together can get complicated. Can you use first names in meetings? When? How do you know if it’s acceptable? If you ever find yourself in such a situation, here’s what you can do…

Don’t panic

When you do business in Germany, assume that ‘Mr..’ and ‘Mrs..’ is the norm. This may throw you, but don’t take this formality as a reflection on you or your business relationship. You should know that it’s very likely “Herr Jung” and “Frau Groß” use last names when they speak to each other, too. The silver lining is that it’s quite a leap forward in the business relationship if someone invites you to use his/her first name.

Take the initiative

Let people know how you would like to be addressed before that elephant shows its long-nosed face. When introducing yourself, give your full name first “Good morning, my name is Bette Ernst.”, then add a simple “Please, call me Bette.” This may seem too friendly, but it certainly establishes one of the most important things you may want them to know: you see them as an ally, a partner, and you want to work with them.

At this point the other person has two options:

  • They can take you up on your offer: “That’s very kind, Bette.” And they will probably follow up with an offer for you to call them by their first name: “And, please call me Al.
  • They can politely decline: “Thank you, but we prefer using surnames in this company” or “Thank you. But I think I’d feel better with Mrs. Ernst’.” Then you must keep using their surname, as well. Again, this is not a reflection on you. Some people just prefer to wait until they know someone well – beyond a first meeting – before they start using first names.

Better be safe than sorry

“When I speak to my boss in the office, in a regular conversation, I can use his first name. But in a meeting or in front of the other colleagues…no way!” That was what an Executive Assistant told me when I asked her if she referred to her boss by his first or last name. Always err on the side of safety. Authority and formality matter in a lot of cultures. If you might embarrass the person or call her stature or authority into question by using the first name, don’t do it. If you’re not sure, don’t do it. Again, if they offer to allow you to use their first name, it’s a big step. Well done!

Consider the big ‘but…’

If you expect the meeting to be especially contentious, if you have to negotiate with someone particularly difficult, if the meeting will involve a significant amount of disagreement, or if the discussion involves unpleasant topics, it’s probably better that you stick to more formal language.

Although offering to let others call you by your first name is a great way to immediately ‘warm up the room,’ I think it’s almost never a good idea to ask someone if you can use their first name. “May I call you Peter?” sounds polite enough, but it can put people on the defensive. They may feel you have “crossed a line” merely by asking. You can also suggest that everyone in the meeting use first names, but that’s a minefield you’d do well to avoid.

International business etiquette

Besides the large amount of cultural differences, there are also a large number of commonalities when it comes to doing business internationally. Here are two links:

 

 

 

 

3 questions to ask your existing training providers

I work in an organization where there’s really little rotation in our training suppliers. I’ve inherited most of them, and this means I have some specific issues. Actually I had something yesterday with a supplier.My first recommendation for questions to existing training providers would be a very open one. Just say:

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From your point of view what do you think we could do to allow your trainers and your training to have more impact within our organization?

Existing suppliers should be in a good position to share ideas. “Groups should be smaller… we should make it longer … team leaders should follow up after the training” or whatever. Basically you just take it from there and see what makes sense.

Now, obviously beware that they don’t try to just push the answers towards more training days. On the other hand I would be very wary of any training providers who have been working with us for a while and then tell me everything is fine and there’s nothing to be improved. This means that they’re not paying attention. Typically the trainer will have some ideas about constraints which if removed would make the training offered more effective. Or, if not constraints, then extras that could easily be added.

The second question to ask from existing training providers is:

What have you learned from our participants during their training?

This is useful for you as an L&D manager or coordinator because actually training isn’t a one directional interaction. Information should go both ways and very often you’ll find that people tell the trainer things that they wouldn’t tell their manager, or wouldn’t tell their HR manager! I want to be clear here. I’m not saying we’re interested in who said what, we don’t need names. But we’re very interested in what is being said. So for example my interpersonal skills trainer comes back and says that people in the training get the concepts and everything, but there are scared of speaking out because there’s too much pressure from above. Now that’s very useful for you to be aware of, right? So use the existing trainers as a means for taking the temperature. Learn from them.

And then the third question is a bit more of a challenging question, and a very practical one. I don’t really think it makes sense to ask existing trainers provocative questions like “Why are you better than the competition out there?” because you should know that! You or your predecessor selected them. The third thing to consistently ask is

How can we make this more efficient?

Is there any way we can make this cheaper? How can we train more people with the same effort? Or how do we train the same number of people with less effort ? And by effort I’m speaking about budget, administration, time away from work and so on. One example is why does the trainer necessarily have to travel around so much? Aren’t there parts that we can deliver online or in a blended approach? Can we do other things to just upgrade our format of delivering training?

Basically the question is, do we need to continue to deliver this in the same way we would have delivered it 50 years ago – you know – one trainer, one flipchart, 12 people in the room etc. OR is there a more fun, a more modern way of doing this? And what you’ll find very often is that these changes are appreciated by the participants, it’s interesting for the trainer and it’s cost-effective for your company!

Those are the questions I use.

Who is this month’s Secret L&D manager?

The Secret L&D manager is actually many L&D managers. They are real people who would prefer not to mention their name or company – but do want to write anonymously so they can openly and directly share their ideas and experience with peers.

 This month’s Secret L&D manager is German, aged 45-55, and works for a global engineering company. He has worked in training and development for over 17 years working as an L&D manager, a training provider and as a trainer. He speaks 4 languages and has an MBA. If money allowed, he’d work for a charity, contributing to their success by organizing and delivering great training. He agreed to write anonymously so he can openly and directly share his ideas and experience.

Improve your business English by yourself

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learning vocabHow can I improve my English when I’m not in the training room? I think that probably every one of my colleagues (including myself) has been asked that question more than once. The simple answer is: exposure. The more you expose yourself to the language you are learning (through films, conversations, books, apps, etc), the more you will learn. Following my post about popular business English apps, I have made a list of audio books that I hope you’ll find interesting.

Tips for improving your English with audio books

  1. Make sure you approach the audio book with the right attitude and expectations. The goal isn’t to understand everything – but rather to get the key points.
  2. Read the summary information before you start so you understand the general idea of the book.
  3. Listening to a book is not the same as reading one. Even native English speakers will drift in and out. If you don’t understand everything, just rewind!
  4. One play is not enough: repeat, repeat, repeat! Listen as many times as you want or need to.

If you don’t want to listen to something related to business, there are thousands of free audio books available online that you can choose instead. This is especially good for building your vocabulary!

Top audiobooks and themes

Audiobooks by Spencer Johnson

Biographies from top business people

Audiobooks by Bill Bryson – funny cultural insights

Top business books that are currently trending

Other resources

You might also want to check out companies like http://www.audiotech.com/business-summaries/ that offer audio summaries. And don’t forget to download a copy of our latest eBook “How to learn vocabulary”.

 

Doing business successfully in Germany – from a German perspective

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I recently asked my German IT participants in a multinational company to do a bit of brainstorming about their ideas for what it takes to be successful when doing business with Germans. Here are some of the ideas they found important. Of course the list is by no means exhaustive. While researching this topic, my participants and I found one website in particular to be very helpful You can find more useful cultural information about Germany and other European countries on this site.

Recognize that different people have different language abilities and try to be accommodating

Just because someone can create beautifully formed sentences or can speak very rapidly doesn’t mean that these skills are also appreciated by others learning the language. Although English is taught in schools, not everyone has the same skills. One’s expectations and the reality might not match up. Be aware of this and be able to adjust accordingly. It will improve business relationships immensely.

Stating issues or asking questions initially is often appreciated in email form first

Germans sometimes feel self-conscious about their language skills and tend to downplay their real abilities. However, receiving initial information in written form is often appreciated due to understanding issues like accents, rate of speed, potentially unfamiliar vocabulary, etc. After the first email has been sent, however, it is sometimes useful to clarify unclear points with a telephone call.

Don’t underestimate the value of clear, direct communication

Germans like clarity and security. This can be seen in the preferred communication style too. Unlike some cultures where “No” is never stated even if that is what is meant, this isn’t the case in Germany. It is highly respected when you are able to give clear, concise answers to questions. If you mean “No” then say “No” and vice versa. Don’t be surprised if conversations are very direct or even blunt. This is considered normal and valuable.

Know at least a little bit about potentially sensitive topics

Although Germans usually highly regard directness, there are certain topics that you should avoid being very direct about. These include asking about salaries, sharing too much personal information or expecting to be asked out for drinks after a meeting, just to name a few.

Time is very important in Germany

Meetings generally start on time, efficiency is highly valued, and people tend to try to restrict the amount of work they do during the evening hours. While there are exceptions of course, the statements above are often the norm. Although many things have been standardized in Germany, shop opening hours do not necessarily fall into this category. Be aware that shops will not be open later than listed (and might not even let you in 10 minutes before closing time), that lunch times vary, as do opening hours in general. This is true for shops and offices alike.

The role of a meeting might be different than expected

In many English-speaking countries, meetings are places for open discussion and sharing of opinions. This often isn’t the case in Germany. Depending on the participants (i.e. managerial positions, hierarchy etc.), meetings can be a method used to inform others of decisions or deadlines, to communicate roles and responsibilities or to give status updates. When participants are part of a working group at the same hierarchical level, there is often more discussion among members. The tone is usually formal and you are expected to be prepared and only contribute when asked to do so.

More cultural insights

Do you work with other nationalities? Which tips would you add to our list? We’d like to hear from you!

If you are interested to read more about working with different cultures, here are a few suggestions:

Quick and Easy Recipe for ‘Tasty’ Teleconferences

 

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Intercall is one of the world’s largest international conference call company. And Intercall’s own research showed that more than 60 percent of respondents admitted to doing something else while on a conference call. This “doing something else” is one of the key contributors to ineffective teleconferences.

I think it is safe to say many of us would like to improve our teleconferences at work. Many of them are unfortunately either too long, not focused enough, or generally unproductive. So what can you do? I’m a terrible cook but I like to try cooking something once in a while. One thing that makes it easier is to have a clear, easy-to-follow recipe to use. This got me thinking. Why can’t we have simple recipes for business topics such as teleconferences? I know that not all teleconferences are the same, but here is my attempt at a recipe for a good starting point for a teleconference.

Ingredients

  • 2 or more well-prepared and lively team members
  • Working phones and computers
  • An agenda
  • A clearly defined moderator
  • A clearly defined minute taker
  • Listening skills
  • Focus – as in not being part of the 60% who are doing something else during the call!
  • Participation
  • Coffee(optional)

Instructions

  1. Mix your team members, phones, and computers lightly until energized. Make sure the technology is working the way it will be needed and the team members are ready. Add coffee here if needed.
  2. Take the agenda, combine it with the moderator and use this to begin the call. Make sure the call starts on time and the moderator leads everyone through the agenda as efficiently as possible. Also, take the minute taker out of its package at this time and activate it.
  3. Pour in the participation, focus and listening skills from all during the call. This is important as it will give the necessary flavour needed to make your call productive. Bake this for 15-30 minutes (depending on the time given for the call). IMPORTANT: do not over-bake i.e. go over the agreed time, as this will cause a sour or bitter taste for all involved.
  4. Shake and clean the call by having the moderator summarize the key points, confirm the action items that need to be done and by whom, and schedule the next call.
  5. Let the call sit for a few hours to cool after baking. Then, have the minute taker send out the minutes to the participants, and those who could not be on the call to ensure long lasting flavour.
  6. Enjoy the tasty results of a productive teleconference!

By following this recipe, hopefully your calls won’t turn out as bad as my lasagne usually does.

Successful teleconferences aren’t difficult to have, but it does take a little effort by everyone to ensure consistent, productive success.

Good luck with yours and happy cooking!

Authentic communication demystified

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Free ebook presentationsWhatever your job, where ever you’re based, whenever you interact with others – authentic communication counts. It could be in a meeting, teleconference, interview, presentation, conflict situation … Your ability to communicate authentically will have an impact on your success. And your company’s success. But what do we mean by authentic communication? And what does it look like?

Authentic communication – the bare essentials

The term “authentic” communication is frequently used but too rarely defined or explained. To break it down to its basic component I’d say that authentic communication is fundamentally about intention. You genuinely intend to create a real connection with the person you’re speaking to. And you genuinely intend to allow them to make a connection with you. This intention means you

  • share who you are, where you are coming from and how you see something
  • do this in your own words
  • are honest and clear about what you see, feel and believe (saying what you mean and meaning what you say)
  • seek to understand and identify with the other person

Sounds simple, right? Let’s go deeper…

10 key behaviours authentic communicators display

Be yourself

Authentic communication isn’t about tips, tricks and impressive sounding communication tools and acronyms. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin, and with who you are. As Bruce Lee said…

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”

And who would want to argue with him?

Open up

The key to is to really allow yourself to see the person you are speaking with and allow yourself to be seen. You let them see you as you really are at that moment and let them into your world. This can be frightening and involves a degree of vulnerability – but to be authentic you need to be real – and that means showing them something, and something that is true right now.

Listen

Make sure that when you are listening you are fully focussed one the speaker and not rehearsing your response, judging etc. Listening skills are the key to making a genuine connection with somebody. (How good are your listening skills?)

Work to create mutual understanding

Imagine yourself in the others’ shoes and be curious. Avoid second guessing and making assumptions about what others are feeling, thinking or mean. Check your understanding on a regular basis.

Take responsibility for your communication

Use I/me rather than we/our.  You need to accept ownership for what you say and be fully responsible for any unexpected consequences. You need to be descriptive.

Speak clearly

Use natural, conversational language. Short sentences are great, and look for common vocabulary. Avoid using ambiguous language and jargon. And if in doubt check you both understand what was said in the same way.

Watch the sweeping statements

Exaggerating to make a point is never helpful and creates divisions and resentment. Language such as “always” and “never” is rarely accurate.

Separate the objective and subjective

Try to be clear about what you see as an objective fact and a subjective opinion. If in doubt, ask for clarification.

Say what you do and do what you say

Match your words to your actions.

Be self-aware

Work to become aware of your own prejudices, tendencies, triggers and judgements. The sooner you can become aware of your reactions to specific triggers, the sooner you can focus on controlling them.

 

Fine-tune your communication skills.Take a look at our interpersonal seminars.

 

How do your training skills compare to Fred Flintstone and his car?

Wouldn’t it be easier just to walk, than to walk and carry a car made of boulders?

As a training organization we train our clients as you would expect, but we also develop our trainers. Our trainers are observed regularly in the training room for two reasons. Reason one is quality management: Does the training meet client expectations? Reason two is professional (trainer) development: How can the trainer improve their training skills? From time to time, I get puzzled by how hard some trainers make their own lives. I was discussing this recently with a colleague, and she compared the situation to Fred Flintstone and his car. Do you remember that car? The one which he gets into, lifts up, and walks with? The car is a tool that is supposed to make his life easier. But the way he uses it can surely only make life harder.

What, you might be asking, has this analogy got to do with training? It’s a bit of a stretch but just like Fred, some trainers stop thinking logically about which way of doing something would be the most effective. They end up making some basic training errors as a result. Let’s look at five common training mistakes and some ideas for what you can do about them so you can a) make your training more effective for your participants, and b) easier for you.

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1. Confusing training with presenting

As a trainer I’ve often worked with participants who had to train people in something specific. In preparation they wanted to check their powerpoint slides with me. We reviewed the English on the slides, and that was it. This was a shame. Training is not running through a bunch of slides. Don’t you tend to switch off after 5-10 minutes of slides filled with text while the presenter talks you through them? I certainly do.

Effective training is interactive and experiential. Get the participants to talk about their experiences and come to conclusions themselves or with the help of colleagues. This means standing back, setting up tasks which make them talk, facilitating these activities, and giving feedback. Allow participants to learn from each other.

2. Talking too much

This is closely related to the first point. Successful training does not involve a trainer standing at the front of the room lecturing the participants. In a one hour training session, what percentage of time do you think the trainer should be talking for? As a general rule: the less the trainer talks and the more the participants are doing something, the better. That makes life easier for the trainer too.

Some trainers feel that if they are not talking, they are not in control, and that the participants will feel they can’t manage the training room. This is absolutely not the case. Aim to talk less – a lot less. If you’re not sure how much you talk, then film yourself, and watch it later. This can be a really valuable, eye-opening exercise.

3. Giving unclear instructions (and failing to check they’ve been understood)

I’ve been teaching and training for around 20 years, mostly with adults. A while ago in Spain I had to teach 6 year olds. Before this I hadn’t thought too much about how I gave instructions. I did some training before taking these kids on. One of the things that was stressed to me there was the importance of carefully planned out instructions. I started planning what I was going to say, and more importantly how I was going to check that everyone had understood what I needed them to do. This was a bit of work at first, but it was worth it in the end. Have you ever tried to get thirty kids into four groups by giving them the letters A, B, C, D?

Think your instructions out very carefully and make sure you are concise. Find a way of checking that people have understood what they have to do – this can be as simple as asking one person to repeat it back. This may sound silly, but it will save a lot of time and help clear up any problems in your instructions. After all, what is clear to you, may really not be clear to others, especially in an international audience.

4. Keeping things predictable

Variety is the name of the game. If everything is predictable and routine, it is boring. If it’s boring, no learning is going to be taking place.

How can you shake things up? Make sure you vary what you do. Look for variety in pace, activity types, groups, materials, and feedback methods. People learn in different ways, so try to cater to different learning styles.

5. Failing to explain aims and transferability

Sometimes when I am observing a class – fortunately not too often -, I have little idea what the trainer is trying to do and why he or she is trying to do it. If I don’t know why, then I doubt very much that the participants do. If you were taking time out of your day for training, wouldn’t you want to know why you were there and what you were going to get out of it? Luckily this problem is easily remedied.

  1. Share your aims – write them up at the start of the session and cross them off as they are achieved.
  2. Explain why you want people to do things. Generally most of us are prepared to do things if we understand the rationale behind them. All you need to do is say for example “We’re now going to ….. so that…..”

So, think about it. Can you make yourself a little less like Fred Flintstone and his car? What mistakes have you made when training? What have you learnt from these mistakes? Why not share your experience with us?

The role of games in training sessions – serious business or seriously overrated?

The multinational company where I give English training has introduced several games over the last few years to help employees learn skills intended to help them do their jobs better. While utilizing games isn’t mandatory, it is strongly encouraged. Some people love this way of learning, others find it a waste of time. So why the hype about using games in the training room? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this method of learning? In the last few years there has actually been a fair amount of research put into studying the effectiveness of using games for learning purposes so we don’t need to search for long before we find proof of how popular games can be. This is demonstrated by the sales figures of various game consoles or by the number of subscriptions to online games. This means that there are many people who obviously are interested in playing games and excited to spend their time doing so. Why not combine this enthusiasm with learning goals and create a win-win situation?

VT poster

 

Not convinced?

Here are some figures* which support the movement:

  • In the US, nearly 170 million people played computer and videogames in 2008, spending a record $11.7 billion.
  • Because of good game design, more than 11 million subscribers spend an average of 23 hours per week immersed in World of Warcraft.
  • In the four years between 2006 and 2010, nearly one in five US workers were expected to retire, to be replaced primarily by 18-40 year-olds who grew up with videogames.

The last figure is probably the most important reason to bring games into the training room- it has become normal to spend time playing games. In the past, those games might have been bingo or bridge, but now they are often computer games. We have access to games in many of our daily life situations- on television, on the radio, on our mobile devices and online. Why not also in the training room?

Using games in the training room

The reason for using games in the training room isn’t to kill time**. It’s to learn and practice valuable skills. There are many skills which lend themselves well to games- improving fluency and speed, creative thinking and problem solving, revision of previously discussed topics and vocabulary. When the games are combined with soft skills like meeting, presentation or negotiating skills, the value (and the level of difficulty) become even higher.

Many of my participants inform me that they appreciate the chance to do interactive exercises (the most basic expression of a game) because they learn easier this way. They also really appreciate the chance to “kill two birds with one stone” or to accomplish two goals at the same time- learn more about a topic and practice their language skills. This idea is supported by evidence from Professor Seymour Epstein at the University of Massachusetts. His theory, the Cognitive Experiential Self Theory (CEST), states that our brains retain and process information in two different ways. One part, our experiential mind, helps us to learn by focusing on what we are doing. This method of learning can happen very quickly and is forgotten very slowly. Our rational mind, on the other hand, focuses on processes. This information is often not retained for a long time however. In order to learn best, we need both parts of our brains to work together. When combined with a discussion after the game, both parts of the brain are activated for learning.

Are you interested in finding out more about how games can be effectively incorporated into the training room? In a few weeks, I’ll review a few popular apps and games. If you want more information in the meantime, contact us below with your comments.

  1. *From http://www.newmedia.org/game-based-learning–what-it-is-why-it-works-and-where-its-going.html
  2. ** See http://thiagi.net/archive/www/fac-027.html

The importance of writing in plain English

Writing in plain English is important when communicating with others in a business setting. Everybody knows this (or should), but why should plain English be used? The most obvious reason why is to ensure your message is being understood exactly as you meant it. By stating your message plainly and simply the first time, you will not have to waste valuable time and energy clarifying your intent in subsequent emails or contacting people again through other means such as a phone call. Another reason to simplify your business writing is money.

Consider this*:

  • UK businesses lose £6 billion a year because of badly written letters.
  • General Electric saved $275,000 by redrafting manuals into plain English.
  • The US Navy estimated plain English could save it between $250–$300 million every year.

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Time is money

Time wasted equates to money lost. Think about what plain English could mean for your business. In a typical office, the average employee receives about 100 messages a day. How much time is spent writing the original document? How many people end up reading the document? How much time is spent reading, processing and clarifying it?

Many people need to be re-trained to write in a simpler way. This is because they are not used to writing in a business environment or for non-native speakers. People also want to show off their large vocabulary or knowledge of grammar.

8 tips for writing in plain English

  1. Remember your audience. They may also be non-native English speakers with a lower level than yours.
  2. Organize your message.  Make sure your message follows a logical path.
  3. Write as if you were talking to the reader. An easy, conversational style will keep you from overcomplicating your sentences.
  4. Keep sentences short. Longer sentences are taxing on the reader. You’re not writing a novel, so don’t write like Jack Kerouac!
  5. Be specific rather than general. The reader doesn’t want to play the guessing game!
  6. Don’t repeat yourself. There is no reason to say the same thing three different ways.
  7. Use simpler words. There is no reason to show off your large vocabulary. This goes back to point 1.
  8. Don’t use jargon. This also goes back to point 1. Not everybody uses the same jargon, even within the same company.

If you have experience with having to write plain English, then you might have your own tips to share. I’d love to hear them and pass them on to my participants. For more tips on writing plain English, here are two interesting links I found.

*Source: Joe Kimble Writing for Dollars

Social media: Love it or hate it, it’s here to stay!

It is often said that we live in a world which is becoming more and more transparent. Communication and how it is carried is constantly changing and this brings new opportunities and challenges. People are expected to keep up with these changes, both in their personal as well as in their work lives. The problem comes in when there is a disconnect between what people are expected to be able to do and what they are really able to do. This is the situation some of my participants are facing at the moment. The multinational company where I provide training has, like many other companies, implemented a social media platform which it expects employees to embrace, use and add information to. That sounds reasonable, you might say.

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The problem is that many of my participants don’t use social media in their personal lives, there is only limited training available and there isn’t always time to learn about the tools and their use. Did I mention that everything also needs to be in English? Together we came up a possible checklist to help new social media users figure out which questions they should ask to help them start learning the basics of using social media at work. I hope you find it useful.

Learn about the tools

Do you know the difference between a wiki, a blog and a forum? Can you give examples about different ways to use each of these? How is your company using them? Where can you find them or how can you access them?

Learn about the related terminology

In addition to the tools themselves, there are many words which users also need to be familiar with. What is an entry, a comment, netiquette? How about a tag, a news feed or a blogosphere?

Learn about what the company expects from you

Which tools are you expected to use? How are you expected to use them (i.e. read only, add comments, write entries, add links, etc.?) How often should you contribute? Should you do this alone or in a group?

Learn about your company’s netiquette or online policy

Are there any security restrictions for specific information? Do you need to limit access to certain individuals, groups or departments? Can everyone add any comment they like or are certain comments deleted (i.e. hurtful or irrelevant comments, etc.)

Learn about existing informational structures

Does your department have a site which has already been set up? Are you expected to contribute to an existing location or create your own? Do certain key users need to be contacted before additional groups, sites or pages are added?

Learn about the current role of previously used systems

Should information be updated in previously used systems or only in the new system? Will the information be migrated to the new system? What are you responsible for maintaining?

Learn about your responsibilities

Is it your job to make sure that the information is always up to date? How should you do this? Is there anyone who can help you? Which steps do you need to know how to do to change information which has already been added to the system?

Resources that can help you

We’d like to hear from you. Which challenges do you face when using social media for internal communication? How did you overcome initial challenges? Which tips do you have for other users? Feel free to share your ideas below.

Key English language tips for before, during, and after your business lunch or dinner

I was recently coaching a department head in the automotive industry here in Germany. Before long, the topic of business lunches and dinners came up. We spent some time going through the following topics and quick tips.

Before the meal

When you are hosting a business lunch/dinner, it is your responsibility to invite the person and check their preferences. Some people may have food allergies or religious beliefs that limit what they can eat, where they can eat, etc. When setting up your lunch or dinner, try some of these phrases in your emails, phone calls, or when speaking face to face:

emails target training

 

Invitations

  • Since you will be in town Tuesday night, I was hoping you would join me for dinner.
  • I would be delighted if you joined me for lunch on Wednesday.
  • Would you like to have lunch on Friday?
  • What are your plans Tuesday evening? How about dinner?
  • What do you say to grabbing dinner on Monday? My treat. (by using ‘my treat’ it means that you are telling your colleague that you will pay for their meal. An alternative is “it’s on me”)
  • How about we get some dinner after our meeting on Thursday?
  • I know a great sushi place in the center. Do you want to join me for lunch tomorrow?

Checking your colleague’s preferences

  • Which do you prefer: local German food, Indian, or pub food?
  • Do you have any preference on the type of restaurant? There’s a good German restaurant close. A Lebanese one. An American diner. What do you think?
  • Anything specific you would to like try while you are here?
  • I know a great little Italian restaurant close to the office. How does that sound?
  • I’d be happy to pick a place for us to eat. I know that sometimes we have certain types of food we prefer/or have to avoid. Is there anything specific you would like me to take into consideration when choosing a restaurant?
  • Just so I pick a place we both can enjoy, are there any types of food that you don’t eat?
  • What are you in the mood for? Korean? Steaks? Pasta?

During the meal

One of the keys of being a good host during a meal is making sure the conversation flows. It is a good idea to get the other person talking as this takes the pressure off you and people love talking about themselves. A great way to get people talking is to ask open questions, or a series of open and closed questions that build on each other. If you are asking a series of questions, the follow up questions shouldn’t sound forced and unnatural, and should build on the previous answer. You can then show that you are paying attention to what your colleague is saying by using confirmation statements and questions. Here are some suggestions that may help:

Conversation starters

  • So, what do you think about Germany so far?
  • Looking forward to the weekend? What do you have planned?
  • What are your holiday plans for this year?
  • I’ve never been to Boston. What would you suggest I do if I visit?
  • I have always been fascinated with Indian culture. What would you say the biggest challenge is for visitors to India?
  • I know you have only been in Germany for a week, but how does it compare with Brazil?
  • Do you follow football? What sports or hobbies interest you?
  • I’m sorry the weather has been so bad here in Germany. How is the climate in Shanghai?

Follow up statements/questions

  • What exactly do you mean by different customs?
  • And where else have you visited in Europe? Nice. What did you think about Madrid?
  • Tell me more about your school system in Sweden. That sounds really interesting.
  • That’s cool. How did you become interested in playing the guitar?
  • Really? Why is American football so popular?

Active listening/confirmation statements

  • I had no idea that skydiving was so common there. That is really fascinating.
  • So, you are saying that teenagers can drive a car when they are 15 years old? Wow!
  • Really? I didn’t know Americans don’t need a visa when they visit Europe.
  • Ok, I understand why you might think that is difficult.
  • How did you feel when that happened?
  • What did you say to him after that?

A lot of keeping good meal conversation going is focused on small talk. For more information on small talk with native English speakers, check out our socializing with Americans eBook.

After the meal

Quite often, good ideas come up when you are discussing business out of the office. Also, promises are made to send someone something, contact someone, etc. It is usually a good idea to send a follow up email after your business lunch or dinner. This can be done the next day, or a few days after depending on what was discussed. It’s also polite, can help build rapport, and is a good way to remind both parties on what next steps need to be taken. Want some help with structuring and what to say in your follow up email? Download our one pager on business lunch and dinner follow up emails.

So, the next time you have to host a colleague or client for dinner, don’t worry. It helps to do a little preparation by thinking about what you can do before, during, and after the meal to make sure you get the most out of your business meal. Guten Appetit!