Storytelling in Business: The Anatomy of Great Storytelling

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This post explores the techniques storytellers use to hold attention, build credibility and leave audiences with ideas they remember. Then, we’ll compare their different storytelling styles and uncover the hidden structures that make both talks so compelling.

  • Reading time
  • 10 Minutes
  • Target audience
  • Trainers, facilitators, leaders, managers and professionals who want to become a more engaging presenter or storyteller.

Let’s not talk about our storytelling solutions and how you could benefit from adding stories to your workplace communication. Instead, let’s watch 2 great storytellers in action and judge how they do it :-)

In this article, we’ll dissect two of the most influential TED Talks ever delivered: Andrew Stanton’s The Clues to a Great Story and Simon Sinek’s How Great Leaders Inspire Action. Although their styles are very different, both speakers consistently hold their audience’s attention and leave them with ideas that are remembered years later. Stanton, the Pixar filmmaker behind Toy Story, Finding Nemo and WALL-E, shows how stories create emotional connection. Simon Sinek, leadership author and creator of the Golden Circle, demonstrates how a simple framework can make a complex idea memorable and persuasive.

Rather than focusing on what they say, we’ll examine how they say it. We’ll look at the storytelling techniques, presentation structure, audience psychology and rhetorical devices that make each talk so compelling. Finally, we’ll compare their contrasting approaches to reveal an important insight: there isn’t one formula for great storytelling. Stanton persuades through emotion and narrative, while Sinek persuades through logic, patterns and a simple mental model.

Andrew Stanton: The clues to a great story

Andrew doesn’t merely describe storytelling—he performs it. The audience experiences curiosity, surprise, laughter, and emotional connection in the same sequence that his principles recommend. That’s why the talk remains one of TED’s most enduring presentations on communication.

 

Here are the techniques that make him so compelling.

1. He opens with a story, not thesis

Instead of explaining what is he about to do with his TED talk – he starts talking about someone called MacGregor and for the first half of the joke, you have no idea what’s going on. Using this approach, he’s creating what psychologists call an information gap. Humans dislike unfinished patterns, so we keep listening.

He lets you experience the idea before defining it. Only after the punchline does he explain: “Storytelling is joke-telling.”

2. He constantly creates unanswered questions

Throughout the talk he repeatedly makes you wonder:

  • Why does Pixar tell stories this way?
  • What is the one secret?
  • What does “make me care” actually mean?
  • Why does he keep mentioning his childhood?
  • Where is this leading?

Every answer leads naturally to another question. That’s what makes the talk feel like one continuous journey rather than a list of tips.

3. He never teaches in the abstract

Notice how few theoretical statements are made in this video. Instead, nearly every concept comes wrapped inside:

  • an anecdote
  • a childhood memory
  • a movie example
  • a quote
  • a joke
  • a personal confession

4. He earns authority instead of announcing it

He almost never says, “I’ve won two Oscars.” Instead, authority emerges naturally. He casually references:

  • writing Toy Story
  • directing Finding Nemo
  • making WALL-E
  • conversations inside Pixar

You think, “This person has actually lived this.” That makes the advice feel authentic rather than promotional.

5. His talk has emotional variety

Many presentations stay at one emotional level. Stanton constantly changes rhythm. He moves between humor, curiosity, surprise, nostalgia, vulnerability and inspiration, never allowing the audience to settle into predictability.

6. He trusts the audience

One of his biggest ideas is Pixar’s famous principle: “Don’t give the audience 4. Give them 2 + 2.” He believes audiences enjoy participating. He practices this throughout the talk. He rarely over-explains. Instead he gives enough pieces for listeners to connect themselves. When people arrive at an insight on their own, it feels like their discovery rather than his lecture.

7. Everything serves one central idea

Many storytellers try to include too many messages or lessons in their story. This one doesn’t. Everything points back to one overarching message: Great stories make people care.

Every anecdote, joke and movie example reinforces that single idea. Because there’s one clear thread, the audience never feels lost.

8. He mixes confidence with vulnerability

Toward the end, he shares the story of being born prematurely and how that shaped his outlook. Until then, he’s been the expert. Suddenly he’s simply another human being. That shift creates emotional connection. Many speakers reveal personal stories too early or too dramatically. Stanton waits until the audience already trusts him, so the story lands with greater impact.

9. He finishes with meaning, not information

Most presentations end with a summary. He ends with a belief. His closing message is essentially: Stories affirm that our lives matter. That is much bigger than “here are some storytelling techniques”. He elevates storytelling from a communication skill to something fundamentally human.

People don’t leave remembering everything he said. They leave remembering how he made them feel.

 

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Simon Sinek: How great leaders inspire action

This is one of the most analyzed TED Talks ever, and for good reason. Like Andrew Stanton, Simon Sinek isn’t simply presenting an idea—he’s carefully constructing an experience that leads the audience to his conclusion. By the time he introduces his main idea, many listeners already feel that it “makes sense,” even before they’ve fully examined it. Unlike many presentations that offer a collection of tips, Sinek gives the audience a single mental model that they can apply across different situations. Whether or not every claim holds universally, the talk’s enduring appeal comes from its simplicity, consistency, and memorable structure.

 

 

1. He starts with a puzzle followed by examples

He begins his story with a mystery: “How do you explain when things don’t go as we assume?” Immediately he follows with examples:

  • Why is Apple consistently innovative?
  • Why did the Wright brothers succeed?
  • Why do some leaders inspire while others don’t?

Notice what happens. Your brain starts searching for an explanation before he’s provided one. He’s created a problem that demands a solution.

Only after establishing the mystery does he introduce his framework.

2. He uses one idea to explain many things

One hallmark of memorable speakers is that they reduce complexity. Sinek doesn’t present five leadership principles.

He presents one simple model:

WHY → HOW → WHAT

Then he uses that same framework to explain:

  • Apple
  • Martin Luther King Jr.
  • the Wright brothers
  • leadership
  • marketing
  • customer loyalty

Because one idea keeps solving different problems, it feels powerful.

3. He speaks in patterns

Much of the talk relies on repetition.

  • First:  Most companies communicate from the outside in.
  • Then: Great leaders communicate from the inside out.

He repeats this idea several times, each time with a different example. Every repetition strengthens the mental model. Instead of feeling repetitive, it feels increasingly convincing because each example adds another layer.

4. He uses contrast constantly

This is one of the most sophisticated techniques in Sinek’s talk, and it’s easy to miss because he uses it so naturally.  Most speakers explain an idea by definition. Sinek explains it by contrast. Instead of saying “Great leaders are people who inspire others through purpose” he repeatedly puts two examples side by side and lets the audience notice the difference. Comparison is so powerful in storytelling because our brains are much better at detecting differences than absorbing abstract definitions.

5. He explains abstract ideas with concrete examples

Purpose is abstract. Belief is abstract. Inspiration is abstract. Instead of defining them academically, Sinek uses stories everyone can visualize. Apple isn’t discussed as a technology company. It’s presented almost as a character. Concrete stories make abstract ideas easier to remember.

Likewise:

  • Martin Luther King becomes an example of purpose.
  • The Wright brothers become an example of belief overcoming resources.

6. He keeps returning to one unforgettable sentence

Perhaps the most memorable line in the talk is: “People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.”

Whether you agree with it universally or see it as an oversimplification in some contexts, it’s an exceptionally effective communication device. It’s short, rhythmic, slightly surprising, and easy to repeat. It becomes the lens through which listeners interpret everything that follows.

7. His visuals are almost unbelievably simple

The Golden Circle is just three concentric circles.

WHY – HOW – WHAT

That’s it. Too many speakers create complex diagrams. Sinek creates a picture you can redraw from memory on a napkin.

The simpler the visual, the easier it is to remember—and the easier it is for the audience to reuse later.

8. He makes the audience feel clever

This is subtle.

Rather than saying, “Here’s the answer”, he says “think about it” repeatedly guiding the audience to discover the pattern themselves. When people feel they’ve reached the conclusion on their own, they’re more likely to accept and remember it.

9. His talk has remarkable structural discipline

Almost everything supports one central message. If you removed any example, the talk would still work. That’s because each part of the story serves exactly the same purpose: to reinforce the WHY → HOW → WHAT framework. There’s very little that feels like a tangent. This is one reason the talk remains easy to follow despite introducing examples from business, history, biology, and leadership.

A comparison: Andrew vs. Simon

What’s particularly interesting is that Sinek’s style is almost the opposite of Stanton’s.

  • Andrew Stanton tells stories that reveal ideas.
  • Simon Sinek tells ideas through stories.

Both are compelling, but they achieve it in different ways. Andrew Stanton relies heavily on emotional storytelling, while Sinek is primarily using argumentative storytelling. His examples are selected less to evoke emotion and more to persuade. Each one acts like another piece of evidence in a case he’s building.

Hidden structures

Stanton’s talk mirrors the structure of a good film:

  • Inciting incident – the Scottish joke sparks curiosity.
  • Rising action – he introduces clue after clue about storytelling, each one answering part of the puzzle while opening another.
  • Midpoint revelation – “Make me care.” The audience begins to see the unifying principle.
  • Deepening stakes – the talk shifts from craft (“how to tell stories”) to purpose (“why stories matter”).
  • Emotional climax – his personal reflections reveal that storytelling isn’t just a professional skill; it’s how we connect with each other.
  • Resolution – the audience leaves with both practical tools and a renewed appreciation for the role stories play in human life.

What makes Sinek’s talk so effective is that it follows the structure of a compelling argument.

  • Inciting question – Why do some leaders and organizations consistently inspire while others don’t?
  • Rising investigation – He presents case after case that challenges conventional explanations, building curiosity and tension.
  • Midpoint revelation – The Golden Circle is introduced. Suddenly, the audience has a simple framework that appears to explain the earlier mysteries.
  • Testing the theory – Rather than moving on, Sinek stress-tests the model with examples from technology, aviation, civil rights, and biology. Each example strengthens the audience’s confidence in the framework.
  • Broadening the implications – The talk expands from marketing into leadership, culture, communication, and decision-making. What began as a business puzzle now feels like a universal principle.
  • Resolution – The audience leaves not just with a slogan but with a new way of interpreting organizations, leaders, and even their own communication.

Key takeaways

After analysing both talks, one thing becomes clear: there is no single formula for great storytelling. Andrew Stanton and Simon Sinek take almost opposite approaches, yet both keep people engaged because they understand how audiences think.

As you have seen in the videos, great communicators design an experience. Whether that experience is emotional (Stanton) or intellectual (Sinek), the audience is taken on a journey. That’s a much more powerful takeaway than any individual storytelling technique.

Here are the lessons that any presenter, trainer or leader can apply:

  • Start with curiosity – Don’t begin by explaining. Begin by creating a question, a mystery or a reason to keep listening.
  • Have one clear message – Both talks are built around one memorable idea. Every story, example and detail supports that central message.
  • Show before you explain – Your audience experience the idea first. Stories and examples often communicate more powerfully than abstract explanations.
  • Make ideas concrete – Turn concepts into examples people can picture. Stories make abstract ideas easier to understand and remember.
  • Trust your audience – Don’t over-explain. Give people enough information to discover the insight themselves.
  • Design the journey – Stanton creates emotional connection through narrative. Sinek creates understanding through patterns and logic. Both succeed because they take the audience somewhere.
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How to Help Other People Listen Better

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This post explores the other side of the conversation: what speakers can do to make listening easier. It offers practical ways to prepare listeners, communicate more effectively, and increase the chances that your message is understood as intended.

  • Reading time
  • 9 Minutes
  • Target audience
  • Anyone who wants to communicate more effectively at work, particularly managers, team leaders, project managers, and professionals who regularly explain ideas, solve problems, or influence others.

We deliver a lot of communication training. None the many sessions we deliver to our clients focus on listening skills. The topic of listening skills usually appears as part of a broader programme—effective communication in virtual teams, coaching skills for managers, giving feedback, difficult conversations. Is that because our clients think everyone is already a great listener? No. They know that poor listening causes problems at work every day. I think the reason is simpler: listening feels like a life skill. Unlike presenting, writing reports or leading a department, it’s something we assume we’ve learned simply by growing up.

The trouble is, research consistently suggests that we’re not nearly as good at listening as we think we are. Great listeners are rare. In leadership, some studies estimate they make up only a small percentage of people. Research on informational listening—the ability to accurately retain and understand information—shows that most of us overestimate our own ability. Which means there are probably people in your life who interrupt, jump to conclusions, filter what you say through their own experiences, get distracted halfway through the conversation or begin solving a problem before they’ve fully understood it.

Most articles and also our training solutions focus on becoming a better listener. This one takes the opposite perspective.

Consider for a moment, all those people who aren’t being listened to. The colleague whose explanation gets interrupted before they’ve finished. The project manager who keeps raising a scheduling conflict that nobody seems to hear. The employee who leaves a meeting thinking, I don’t think anyone actually understood what I was trying to say.

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What can you do to help other people listen better?

We can’t control how someone else listens. We can, however, make it easier for them to succeed.

Here are nine ways to do that.

  • Prepare them for listening.
  • Ask whether they have time to listen.
  • Look for the type of listener you need.
  • Tell them how you need them to listen.
  • Ask them where they’d like to start.
  • Highlight what matters most.
  • Give them time to process.
  • Ask them to summarise what they heard.
  • Acknowledge the listening.

Prepare them for listening

We often assume that if someone doesn’t understand us, they’ll simply ask questions. They don’t always do that.  At work we explain complex situations, hoping the other person will recognise the issue, validate our concerns or arrive at the same conclusion we have. If we’re still organising our own thoughts—or we’re communicating something emotionally charged—that makes listening even harder. A listener has to separate facts from feelings, context from content and assumptions from evidence.

If you know what kind of conversation you want to have, you can set expectations with your listeners.

For example:

  • “Would you mind if I just talked for a few minutes before we start troubleshooting this problem?”
  • “I’m nervous about Tuesday’s meeting. Could I talk it through with you?”

Those simple introductions prepare people for the kind of listening you’re asking them to do.

Ask whether they have time to listen

Listening requires space, attention and willingness. Those three things aren’t always available. If someone is rushing between meetings, answering emails or thinking about the next deadline, they probably aren’t going to give you their best attention, however willing they may be. Sometimes the simplest question produces the biggest improvement.

For example:

  • “Is now a good time to talk about something?”
  • “When would you have ten minutes to properly listen to this?”

Look for the type of listener you need

Listening is a skill, but people don’t all listen in the same way. The right listener often matters just as much as the right message.

Some listeners are naturally time-oriented. They appreciate concise explanations and want you to get to the point. Others are people-oriented. They naturally focus on relationships, emotions and experiences. Some enjoy analysing ideas, identifying risks and solving problems. Others excel at helping you think aloud without rushing to conclusions.

So, If you need someone to challenge your thinking and pressure-test an idea, look for a critical listener. If what you really need is someone who understands your frustration before suggesting solutions, look for an empathetic listener.

Tell them how you need them to listen

Don’t assume people know what you need simply because they’ve heard your words. Do you want understanding? Reflection? Practical advice? A decision? Emotional support? Giving people a listening role helps them listen with purpose.

Imagine you’re presenting a new idea to six colleagues. Everyone hears the same words, but they process them differently. Some notice your enthusiasm. Others immediately start evaluating the risks. Someone else begins reflecting your ideas back to you, while another starts thinking about implementation.

People can listen in different ways – they have a preferred style and type but for many listeners, the situation and the speaker determine which listening style they use.

So, tell them which listening style or type to use. For example: “I would like everyone to use their best critical listening skills, do you think this idea has any merit, and if yes, how can we get it implemented?”

Ask them where they’d like to start

How do you get someone to listen? By presenting the information in the way they prefer it. This is especially useful when you’re communicating something complex. Perhaps you need to explain the background, the data, the risks, your recommendation and the impact on the team. Rather than deciding where to begin yourself, ask your listener.

For example: “Would you prefer the short version first, or would it help if I explained the background?”

Some people want the conclusion before the detail. Others need the context before the recommendation makes sense. Starting where your listener is naturally interested makes it much easier for them to stay engaged.

Highlight what matters most

Conversations rarely stay on track by themselves. A discussion about a project suddenly becomes a discussion about workload, customer satisfaction or team morale. All of those topics may be important, but they can also distract from the reason you started talking in the first place. When you notice the conversation drifting, gently bring it back.

For example: “Those are all important conversations, and I’d like to come back to them. Right now, the priority for me is resolving the issues with this project because my team have been waiting for feedback.”

Your listener doesn’t have to remember everything. They won’t. Help them remember the part that matters most.

Give them time to process

Listening doesn’t stop when you stop talking. Many people need a few moments to organise what they’ve heard before responding.

Resist the temptation to fill every silence. Don’t immediately ask, “Does that make sense?” after two seconds. Don’t jump back in because you’ve thought of one more thing to add.

Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simply wait.

Ask them to summarise what they heard

Great listeners often summarise naturally. “So what I’m hearing is…”

But you don’t have to wait for that to happen. Especially in important conversations, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask: “Just so I know I’ve explained this clearly, would you mind summarising what you’ve understood?”`

If their summary differs from what you intended, you’ve discovered a misunderstanding while there’s still time to correct it.

Acknowledge the listening

Finally, recognise that listening has taken place—even when the other person hasn’t interpreted your message the way you hoped. Perhaps you wanted to discuss a solution, but your listener focused on the problem instead. Perhaps they heard additional work where you saw opportunity. That doesn’t necessarily mean they weren’t listening.

Listening is an active process of interpretation. People hear your words through the lens of their own experiences, assumptions, priorities and concerns. You can’t completely control what someone hears.

What you can do is acknowledge where they have understood you, clarify where they haven’t and continue the conversation from there.

Conclusion

Listeners have different needs, different attention spans, different ways of processing information, and different expectations about the conversation. The more we can prepare them, guide them, and make it easier for them to listen well, the more likely we are to achieve understanding.

Listening will always be a shared responsibility. While we should all continue to develop our own listening skills, we can also become better communicators by taking some responsibility for how our message is received.

Key Takeaways

  • Listening is a shared responsibility. Yes, we should all try to become better listeners. But if we only think about listening from the listener’s perspective, we miss half of the conversation.
  • As speakers, we have more influence than we sometimes realise.
  • By preparing people for the conversation, choosing the right listener, explaining what kind of listening you need and making your message easier to process, you dramatically increase the chances of being heard.
  • Sometimes the difference between feeling listened to or not listened to isn’t finding a better listener. It’s helping the listener you already have.
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The power of SCARF and how to make feedback work better, and feel better

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This post explores how the SCARF model can help managers make feedback conversations more effective and meaningful and provides practical tips and insights on how managers can better understand reactions, build stronger connections and influence future behaviour.

  • Reading time
  • 7 Minutes
  • Target audience
  • Managers and leaders who want to better understand how to influence others, have better feedback conversations, and bring about positive change in the workplace.

The intention behind giving feedback is to bring about positive change in the workplace by influencing future behaviour and outcomes. Sometimes that means helping someone improve. At other times, it’s about recognising success, reinforcing effective behaviours, clarifying expectations, or addressing issues before they become bigger problems.

Whether a feedback conversation achieves its goal depends on many factors, but two stand out: the person giving the feedback and the person receiving it. Both play an active role in determining whether the conversation leads to understanding, acceptance and ultimately, positive change. When both have the skills and confidence to engage in an open, constructive dialogue, the chances of success increase significantly.

Of course, not all feedback conversations are equally challenging. Positive feedback—recognising good work or encouraging someone to continue doing what’s working well—is generally easier to give and easier to receive.

 

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When the feedback is critical or corrective, the chances of success decrease because people are more likely to feel threatened or misunderstood.  The key word here is “feel”.

In feedback conversations, people don’t simply respond to the words they hear. They respond to what those words mean to them. A comment intended to be helpful can be interpreted as criticism. A suggestion can feel like a personal attack. When people perceive a threat—whether that threat is real or not—their ability to listen, reflect and respond is limited. Perceived threat invokes a primal response (fight or flight) and we can no longer hear what the rational brain is saying.

This is where the SCARF model, developed by neuroscientist David Rock, helps us understand what is happening beneath the surface.

The SCARF model: Minimize danger – Maximize reward

David Rock believes that our response has its roots in the way our brains deal with perceived danger and how we always seek to minimise threats and maximise rewards. He developed it into a model of 5 areas that influence our behaviour, the SCARF model.

Watch the video here:

 

Managers who want to influence others, their job is to find just the right levers to move people into that ‘maximize reward’ state. Leaders tend to know all about the carrot and stick. They use money and other external rewards to try to motivate people. Turns out there are often far more powerful rewards and threats going on inside people’s heads that are generating their behavior. So if you want to be the best that you can be at influencing others, you need to better understand what makes people tick.

Dr. David Rock

 

As Dr. Rock explains in the video, these five factors have a tremendous impact on our motivation on whether we are in a “reward” state or a “danger” state.

  • Status – our relative importance to others
  • Certainty – our ability to predict the future
  • Autonomy – our sense of control over events
  • Relatedness – how safe we feel with others
  • Fairness – how fair we perceive the exchanges between people to be

Understanding what happens beneath the surface is only valuable if it changes what we do above the surface. The SCARF model gives us insight into why people may react the way they do during feedback conversations, but the real benefit comes from using that understanding to adapt our approach. Small changes in how we prepare, communicate and involve others can make all the difference between feedback that creates resistance and feedback that creates positive change.

S – Status 

How we see ourselves in relation to others – do we feel respected, valued and competent.

Research shows that a perceived loss of status activates many of the same brain regions associated with physical pain. When people feel that their competence or value is under threat, they’re far less likely to listen openly to feedback.

The opposite is equally true. When feedback reinforces our sense of competence or recognises our contribution, it activates the brain’s reward response. That’s why genuine recognition from someone we respect can be so motivating.
Before giving feedback, ask yourself:

  • How might this person perceive my status in relation to theirs?
  • Am I reinforcing their sense of value, or unintentionally threatening it?
  • What can I do to reduce unnecessary status differences before giving the feedback?

Practical tips: 

  • Remember that status is personal. It isn’t only determined by job title or hierarchy; it’s also influenced by experience, expertise, reputation and how valued people feel.
  • Status derives from credibility but also from knowledge and competence, so if you lack credibility with a specific audience you can gain it from demonstrating what you know/can do
  • Build credibility before offering challenge. People are more receptive when they trust your intentions and believe you understand their work.
  • Use inclusive language. Words like we, us and our encourage collaboration, while excessive use of <emI and you can reinforce unnecessary hierarchy.
  • Protect status by recognising the person’s value, experience and contribution before addressing concerns. Genuine recognition helps protect a person’s sense of competence and reduces defensiveness.
  • Help people feel valued. Everyone wants to know that their contribution matters, regardless of their role.

C – Certainty

The brain is a certainty-seeking machine, constantly trying to predict what’s going to happen. When we have a clear understanding of what to expect, we generally feel safer and more able to focus on the conversation. When we don’t, uncertainty can quickly become a threat.

This is particularly relevant in feedback conversations. When people know why the conversation is happening, what will be discussed, or what is expected of them, they may spend less energy trying to interpret the situation and more on listening to the feedback. By creating clarity around the purpose, process and desired outcome of the conversation, managers can help people feel more prepared and more open.

Practical tips: 

  • Explain the purpose of the conversation. Don’t leave people guessing why you want to talk. A simple explanation can reduce unnecessary uncertainty.
  • Set expectations about the process. Let the person know what you would like to discuss and how the conversation will work.
  • Be clear about what is expected. People feel more confident when they understand their role, responsibilities and what success looks like.
  • Communicate even when there is uncertainty. If you don’t have all the answers, explain what you know, what you are still exploring and when you expect to know more.
  • Focus on what can be influenced. When outcomes are uncertain, clarity about purpose, priorities and next steps can provide stability.

A – Autonomy

Autonomy is our need to feel that we have some control over our work, our choices and the way we approach challenges. It is closely linked to motivation because people are more engaged when they feel they have ownership.

Autonomy is also closely connected to certainty. When we cannot predict what will happen, it can be difficult to feel that we have any control over our situation.

Autonomy is particularly important in feedback conversations. If feedback is intended to create growth and development, managers need to avoid simply prescribing the solution. Telling someone exactly what to do may create short-term compliance, but helping them reflect, explore options and find their own path builds greater ownership and commitment. The idea of having options, i.e. making choices, is important to a person’s sense of control.

Practical tips: 

  • Focus on the outcome, not every step. Be clear about needs to be achieved while allowing the person to consider how they will get there.
  • Ask before telling. Encourage reflection by asking questions such as, “How do you see the situation?” or “What options do you think would work?”
  • Offer choices where possible. Even small opportunities to make decisions can strengthen a person’s sense of ownership.
  • Create psychological safety. People need to feel they can share their perspective, admit mistakes and express concerns without fear of negative consequences.
  • Balance support with independence. Provide guidance and resources while allowing the person to take responsibility for their development.
  • The idea of having options, i.e. making choices, is important to a sense of control

R – Relatedness

Relatedness is about our sense of connection and belonging with others. It is the feeling that we are understood, respected and valued as individuals.

When we feel connected with the people around us we are more likely to be open, share our thoughts, and reflect on our own behaviours.

Relatedness is often communicated through small interactions: listening attentively, showing interest, acknowledging someone’s perspective, or simply demonstrating that their contribution matters. These signals help people understand that they are part of a supportive relationship rather than being evaluated.

Practical tips: 

  • Build trust before you need it. A strong relationship makes feedback conversations easier and more productive.
  • Show that you understand the person, not just the performance issue. Consider their perspective, circumstances and intentions.
  • Listen before responding. People are more open to feedback when they feel genuinely heard.
  • Use feedback as a two-way dialogue. Invite discussion and encourage the person to share their view.
  • Create connection across teams. Help people understand how their work contributes to a wider purpose and shared goals.

F – Fairness

Fairness is about our perception of whether things are reasonable, consistent and just. Importantly, fairness does not mean treating everyone exactly the same. People have different roles, responsibilities, experiences and circumstances. What matters is that people understand the principles behind decisions and feel they are being treated with respect.

Because fairness is subjective, two people can experience the same situation very differently. What feels reasonable to one person may feel unfair to another. When we perceive unfairness, our brain quickly moves into a defensive response. This is particularly relevant in feedback conversations; If someone believes they are being singled out, judged more harshly than others, or held to unclear standards, they are less likely to focus on the feedback . Instead, they may focus on whether the process feels fair.

Managers can reduce this threat by being clear about expectations, explaining the reasons behind decisions, and applying standards consistently. When exceptions are necessary, explaining the context helps people understand why a different approach is appropriate.

Practical tips:

  • Explain the “why”. Help people understand the reasoning behind decisions, expectations or changes.
  • Apply clear and consistent standards. People are more accepting of different outcomes when they understand the principles behind them.
  • Recognise contribution, not preference. Ensure rewards, opportunities and recognition are linked to achievements and behaviours rather than personal relationships.
  • Be transparent about decisions. Sharing the factors considered can help people see that decisions were thoughtful rather than arbitrary.
  • Consider different perspectives. Encourage people to explore situations from multiple viewpoints to build understanding and reduce assumptions.

Summary & Key Takeaways

Feedback conversations are about much more than the words being exchanged. Beneath every conversation, people are also responding to what the feedback means for them. Do they feel valued? Do they understand what is happening? Do they feel they have a voice? Do they trust the person giving the feedback? Do they believe the process is fair?

The SCARF model helps us understand these underlying responses through five social needs: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness and Fairness.

When these needs are supported, people are more likely to feel safe, listen openly and engage constructively. When they are threatened, even well-intentioned feedback can trigger defensiveness, resistance or disengagement.

  • Remember the person behind the performance – Feedback is received by a person, not just a role or job title. Consider how your message may be experienced, not just what you intend to communicate.
  • Reduce unnecessary threats – People are less likely to engage when they feel their status, security, independence, relationships or sense of fairness are under threat.
  • Create clarity – Explain why you are having the conversation, what you want to discuss and what happens next. Reducing uncertainty helps people focus on the feedback itself.
  • Protect ownership – Don’t just provide answers. Where possible, involve people in finding solutions and deciding how they can move forward.
  • Build relationships – Strong relationships make it easier to have feedback conversations.Trust and connection make feedback easier to give and easier to receive.
  • Make fairness visible – Explain your reasoning, apply standards consistently and recognise that fair does not always mean identical.
  • Focus on the outcome, not just the conversation – The goal of feedback is not simply to deliver a message. The goal is to create understanding, encourage reflection and influence future behaviour.

To wrap up

We hope you’ll consider using the power of SCARF in your next feedback conversation. For more feedback content, these posts might be of interest to you:

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Building Trust in Working Relationships: The Behaviours That Make People Trust You

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This post provides a practial framework for understanding trust and explores the everyday behaviours that increase and weaken it. 

  • Reading time
  • 5 Minutes
  • Target audience
  • Leaders, managers, facilitators, and professionals who want to improve collaboration, strengthen relationships, and build trust within their teams.

Introduction

Trust is one of those things we know is important, but often struggle to define. We know when we don’t have it. A lack of trust is easy to define. Conversations feel guarded, commitments are questioned, and collaboration becomes harder. But when someone asks us “How exactly do you build trust?”, the answer is often surprisingly vague.

In this article, we’ll explore a practical way to understand trust in working relationships: the Trust Equation. Developed by David Maister, Charles Green and Robert Galford, this model breaks trust down into four elements that influence how trustworthy others perceive us to be: credibility, reliability, intimacy and self-orientation.

By understanding these elements, we can move beyond the idea that trust is simply something we “have” or “don’t have” and instead focus on the everyday behaviours that build stronger professional relationships.

Why use it?

For the teams we work with, being able to break down trust into specific and easy-to-understand elements is always a great first step to identifying how to demonstrate behaviours that can build more trust. In short: the Trust Equation helps teams move from “we need more trust” to understanding exactly what behaviours create it, because it:

  1. creates a shared language
  2. shows trust can be developed
  3. improves collaboration
  4. helps leaders understand their impact
  5. diagnoses relationship challenges
  6. supports modern, distributed teams

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The Trust Equation: Four factors that influence trust 

The Trust Equation is useful in the workplace because it turns something that often feels vague and personal (“I trust this person”) into something we can understand, discuss and improve. Many organisations talk about the importance of trust, but people often mean different things by it. One person might think trust means competence. Another might think it means honesty. Someone else might define it as feeling safe enough to speak openly.

The Trust Equation (David Maister, Charles Green & Robert Galford, 2004, The Trusted Advisor) breaks down trust (T) into an equation of 4 elements:

  • C = Credibility – Do people believe I know what I’m talking about?
  • R = Reliability – Can people count on me?
  • I = Intimacy – Do people feel safe being open with me?
  • S = Self-Orientation – Do people believe I care about their needs, or mainly my own?

 

For trust to “work” in the workplace, it requires high scores in the first three elements (C, R, I) but a low score in the final one (S). In other words, the Trust Equation tells us that high self-orientation undermines the other elements that are essential for trust.

How to Build (or Lose) Trust in the Workplace

Credibility – “Do people believe I know what I’m talking about?”

Credibility is about the confidence others have in your knowledge, skills and judgement. You don’t need to have all the answers but that you are as competent and honest about your abilities.

You build credibility by:

  • demonstrating your expertise through your work
  • communicating clearly and confidently
  • backing up your opinions with evidence or experience
  • admitting when you don’t know something and finding the answer

You lose credibility by:

  • exaggerating your knowledge
  • making claims you can’t support
  • giving inconsistent information
  • pretending to know more than you do

Reliability – “Can people count on me?”

Reliability is about consistency. People trust colleagues who do what they say they will do. Reliability isn’t about doing everything perfectly or always being available. It’s about being dependable and communicating clearly.

You build reliability by:

  • meeting deadlines
  • following through on commitments
  • preparing for meetings
  • communicating early if plans need to change
  • doing the small things consistently well

You lose reliability by:

  • frequently missing deadlines
  • overpromising and underdelivering
  • forgetting commitments
  • failing to keep people informed

Intimacy – “Do people feel safe being open with me?”

Intimacy in the workplace means creating a sense of psychological safety where people feel comfortable being honest, asking questions or admitting mistakes. People trust those who make them feel respected rather than judged.

You build intimacy by:

  • listening without interrupting
  • showing empathy
  • respecting confidentiality
  • asking genuine questions
  • admitting your own mistakes
  • giving people your full attention

You weaken intimacy by:

  • dismissing concerns
  • interrupting frequently
  • gossiping
  • reacting defensively
  • criticising people rather than ideas

Self-orientation – “Whose interests come first?”

Self-orientation is about where people believe your attention is focused. When people believe you’re primarily interested in helping yourself, trust declines—even if you’re highly competent.

You reduce self-orientation by:

  • asking more questions than you answer
  • being curious about other people’s priorities
  • sharing credit
  • listening before offering solutions
  • making decisions that benefit the team, not just yourself

High self-orientation often looks like:

  • dominating conversations
  • constantly promoting your own ideas
  • taking credit for shared success
  • ignoring other people’s concerns
  • focusing on being right

Final thoughts

Trust is built through hundreds of small, everyday interactions. The Trust Equation reminds us that trust is less about intention and more about experience. People trust us when they see consistent competence, reliability, openness and genuine concern for their interests.

The good news is that every element of the equation can be strengthened through deliberate behaviour. Rather than asking, “How can I get people to trust me?”, a better question is, “Which part of the Trust Equation should I improve today?”

Trusted Advisor offers a free Trust Quotient Assessment which we highly recommend because the results include feedback on which elements are strengths and weaknesses for you.

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The Manager’s Guide to Building Trust: Understanding Emotional Bank Accounts

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This post explores Stephen R. Covey’s Emotional Bank Account concept and how managers can use it to strengthen relationships, improve communication, and create higher-performing teams. It includes practical ways to make more positive deposits, repair trust when withdrawals happen, and a 10-minute reflection activity to help you assess your own team relationships.

  • Reading time
  • 8 Minutes
  • Target audience
  • Managers, team leaders, and anyone responsible for building trust, engagement, and performance within a team.

Whether you’re leading a team through change, managing a hybrid workforce, or trying to improve performance, the quality of your relationships has a direct impact on your success as a manager. When there is trust between people, they are more likely to share ideas, raise concerns, accept feedback, and work collaboratively. When trust is lacking, even routine conversations can become difficult.

One of the most useful ways to think about trust in the workplace comes from Stephen R. Covey’s concept of the Emotional Bank Account, from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Every interaction either makes a deposit or a withdrawal. In Covey’s own words:

 

“An emotional bank account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship.  It’s the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.  When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant, and effective.”

 

Deposits are made through positive actions—such as keeping promises, listening with empathy, recognising good work, and treating people with respect. Withdrawals are made through negative actions: dismissing concerns, breaking commitments, or failing to communicate openly.

For managers, this analogy is a practical leadership tool. Every conversation, decision, and action either strengthens or weakens the relationships that underpin team performance. Understanding how to make regular deposits into your team’s emotional bank accounts can help create an environment where people feel valued, supported, and motivated to do their best work.

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Why should managers care about emotional bank accounts?

Few managers would argue against the importance of trust. Most leaders want to build positive, productive relationships where people feel respected, valued, and motivated to do their best work. Leadership qualities such as authenticity, credibility, empathy, and trust continue to be recognised as essential for effective management.

Building strong relationships is about much more than being a “nice” manager. Trust has a measurable impact on performance. Meaningful and strong relationships in the workplace lead directly to tangible results. Teams with high levels of trust tend to experience better communication, stronger engagement, and higher levels of commitment.

As a manager, your success is closely linked to the success of your team. Every interaction—whether you’re delegating work, coaching, recognising achievements, resolving conflict, leading meetings, or having a difficult conversation—either strengthens or weakens the relationships that support high performance. These everyday moments are opportunities to make deposits into, or withdrawals from, your team’s emotional bank accounts.

Managers who consistently invest in relationships build the trust needed to navigate challenges, encourage innovation, and sustain performance over the long term. Conversely, when withdrawals outweigh deposits, trust begins to erode. Without that foundation, even the most capable teams can struggle with engagement, collaboration, and accountability.

How do you build a healthy emotional bank account with your team?

Trust is built through consistent, everyday behaviour. While every individual and team is different, Stephen Covey identified several practical ways managers can make regular “deposits” into their team’s emotional bank accounts.

Understand the individual

Everyone values different things. One employee may appreciate public recognition, while another would rather receive a quiet thank you. Taking time to understand what motivates each person, how they like to be recognised, and what matters to them allows you to build stronger, more meaningful relationships.

Keep your commitments

One of the quickest ways to build trust is to do what you say you’ll do. Keeping promises, following through on commitments, being reliable, and respecting deadlines all demonstrate that people can depend on you. Equally, broken promises and missed commitments quickly become withdrawals.

Clarify expectations

Misunderstandings often arise because people make different assumptions. Taking time to agree on priorities, responsibilities, deadlines, and expected outcomes helps prevent confusion and reduces unnecessary frustration—particularly when working remotely or across different locations.

Pay attention to the little things

Small actions can have a lasting impact. Saying thank you, checking in on someone’s wellbeing, remembering important milestones, listening without distractions, or simply making time for a conversation all help strengthen relationships. These everyday moments often matter more than grand gestures.

Demonstrate personal integrity

Trust grows when managers act consistently and fairly. Being honest, admitting mistakes, treating people with respect, and behaving in line with your values all reinforce your credibility. Integrity isn’t something you switch on when it’s convenient—it’s reflected in your actions every day.

When you make a withdrawal, apologise sincerely

Every manager makes mistakes, misses commitments, or says the wrong thing. What matters is how we respond.

A sincere apology can be one of the most powerful deposits you make after a withdrawal. Acknowledging your actions, taking responsibility, and making amends demonstrates humility, integrity, and respect. It also shows your team that accountability applies to everyone—not just them.

Managers who apologise when they’ve got it wrong don’t lose credibility—they often strengthen it. Admitting mistakes builds trust and creates a culture where people feel safe to learn, take responsibility, and support one another.

Putting emotional bank accounts into practice – A 10-minute activity for managers

Understanding the idea of emotional bank accounts is useful, but the real value comes from applying it to your own relationships. Every manager has relationships that are strong, relationships that need attention, and moments where they may have made more withdrawals than deposits.

The following activity is designed to help you reflect on your current relationships with your team and identify practical actions you can take to build more trust. It isn’t about judging yourself or creating a perfect balance sheet—it is about increasing your awareness and making intentional choices about how you lead.

Step 1: Choose five people

Write down the names of five team members who are critical to your team’s success.

Step 2: Review your recent interactions

Look back over the past two weeks. Use your calendar, emails, messages, and memory to identify moments that were likely to be deposits or withdrawals.

For each person, create two simple lists:

**Deposits**

  • Listened without interrupting
  • Recognised good work
  • Kept a commitment
  • Offered support or coaching
  • Showed appreciation

**Withdrawals**

  • Cancelled or rushed a meeting
  • Failed to follow through
  • Gave unclear expectations
  • Dismissed a contribution
  • Had a difficult conversation that didn’t go well

Don’t worry about making the list perfect—you’re looking for patterns rather than keeping score.

Step 3: Think about what matters to them

Now put your notes aside for a while. When you come back, write down what you know about each person.

  • What motivates them?
  • What gives them energy?
  • How do they prefer to receive recognition?
  • How do they like to communicate?
  • What behaviours from a manager help them feel trusted and valued?

Remember, deposits are personal. What builds trust with one employee may have little impact—or even feel like a withdrawal—to another.

Step 4: Make a plan

Looking at your notes, ask yourself:

  • Which relationships need more deposits?
  • What could I do differently over the next month?
  • What specific opportunities already exist in my calendar?

Rather than making a vague commitment to “be a better listener”, identify real moments where you can put it into practice. For example, use your next one-to-one meeting to ask more questions before offering solutions, or take time to recognise a recent achievement.

Small, consistent deposits build trust over time. Choose one or two actions and commit to making them part of your everyday leadership.

Key takeaways

Building healthy emotional bank accounts is not about occasional big gestures. It is about the small, consistent actions that shape how people experience working with you.

The key points to remember are:

  • Trust is built through everyday interactions. Every conversation, decision, and action can either strengthen or weaken a relationship.
  • Deposits are personal. What one person experiences as recognition or support may not have the same impact on someone else. Take time to understand the individuals in your team.
  • Reliability matters. Keeping commitments, clarifying expectations, and following through are some of the simplest ways to build trust.
  • Mistakes happen. Effective managers recognise when they have made a withdrawal, take responsibility, and work to rebuild trust.
  • Strong relationships enable performance. Emotional bank accounts are not separate from results—they are one of the foundations that allow teams to collaborate, adapt, and succeed.

Great managers don’t build trust through one big action. They build it through hundreds of small deposits made consistently over time.

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Understanding Motivation: Three Leadership Lessons from TED Talks

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This post explores three TED Talks that offer different perspectives on motivation and leadership. By looking at what makes work meaningful, how everyday actions shape leadership, and how mindset influences performance, it provides practical insights for managers who want to better understand what drives people and create the conditions for motivation to thrive.

  • Reading time
  • 7 Minutes
  • Target audience
  • Managers and leaders who want to better understand what motivates people, create more engaging work environments, and influence others more effectively.

Motivation is something that affects everyone in the workplace. At different times, we all experience moments when we feel energised, committed and connected to what we do—and moments when that motivation becomes harder to sustain.

Our motivation can be influenced by many external factors within the workplace. Poor communication, lack of recognition, unclear expectations, excessive control and limited opportunities to contribute can gradually reduce people’s engagement and commitment. Even highly capable and motivated individuals can become disengaged when they feel undervalued, disconnected or unable to influence their work.

So, what helps people stay motivated and engaged at work? While there is no single answer, motivation is often influenced by whether people feel that their work has meaning, that their contribution is valued, that they have a positive impact on others and that they are able to grow and succeed. Understanding what gives people a sense of value—both in the work they do and in the way they are treated—is a key part of understanding motivation.

The following TED Talks explore three different perspectives on motivation and leadership, offering insights into what drives people and how leaders can create environments where motivation can thrive. Together, they highlight some important questions that influence motivation: Do people feel that their work matters? Do they feel that they matter to others? And do they have the mindset and environment needed to perform at their best?

The videos in this post cover three questions related to motivation and leadership:

  • What makes work meaningful?
  • What does everyday leadership look like?
  • How does happiness influence performance?

 

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What makes work meaningful?

Leadership lesson from Dan Ariely

We often assume motivation comes from rewards, recognition or incentives. Dan Ariely’s research explores a deeper question: what makes people feel that their work is worthwhile?

 

 “…If you read books of people who climb mountains, difficult mountains, do you think that those books are full of moments of joy and happiness? No, they are full of misery. In fact, it’s all about frostbite and having difficulty walking, and difficulty breathing — cold, challenging circumstances. And if people were just trying to be happy, the moment they would get to the top, they would say, ‘This was a terrible mistake. I’ll never do it again’…”

Dan Ariely

What is the key idea?
People are motivated by more than just external rewards. We are more engaged when we feel that our work has meaning, that our efforts are recognised and that what we do matters.

Why does it matter for managers?
Managers often focus on outcomes, deadlines and rewards, but motivation is also shaped by whether people can see the value of their contribution. When people understand the impact of their work, they are more likely to feel connected and committed.

What can managers do differently?

  • Help people see the bigger purpose behind their work.
  • Connect everyday tasks to the impact they create.
  • Recognise effort, progress and contribution—not just final results.
  • Avoid treating people as if they are simply completing tasks.

What does everyday leadership look like?

Leadership lesson from Drew Dudley

Leadership is often associated with big decisions, formal authority and visible achievements. Drew Dudley challenges this idea by exploring the everyday moments where leadership happens.

 

“…I’ve come to realize that we have made leadership into something bigger than us; something beyond us. We’ve made it about changing the world. We’ve taken this title of “leader” and treat it as something that one day we’re going to deserve. But to give it to ourselves right now means a level of arrogance or cockiness that we’re not comfortable with. And I worry sometimes that we spend so much time celebrating amazing things that hardly anybody can do, that we’ve convinced ourselves those are the only things worth celebrating. We start to devalue the things we can do every day. We take moments where we truly are a leader and we don’t let ourselves take credit for it, or feel good about it.”

Drew Dudley

What is the key idea?

Leadership is not limited to formal roles, titles or major achievements. Small everyday actions can have a significant impact on other people.

Why does it matter for managers?

Managers sometimes underestimate the influence they have through everyday interactions. A conversation, a word of encouragement or an act of recognition can shape how someone feels about themselves and their work.

What can managers do differently?

  • Pay attention to the small moments that influence others.
  • Recognise the positive impact people have on those around them.
  • Remember that leadership happens through behaviour, not just authority.
  • Consider how people feel after interacting with you.

How does happiness influence performance?

Leadership lesson from Shawn Achor

Happiness is sometimes viewed as a result of success. Shawn Achor explores the opposite idea: that our mindset and wellbeing can influence our ability to succeed.

“… One of the first things we teach people in economics, statistics, business and psychology courses is how, in a statistically valid way, do we eliminate the weirdos. How do we eliminate the outliers so we can find the line of best fit? Which is fantastic if I’m trying to find out how many Advil the average person should be taking — two. But if I’m interested in your potential, or happiness or productivity or energy or creativity, we’re creating the cult of the average with science. If I asked a question like, “How fast can a child learn how to read in a classroom?” scientists change the answer to “How fast does the average child learn how to read in that classroom?” and we tailor the class towards the average. If you fall below the average, then psychologists get thrilled, because that means you’re depressed or have a disorder, or hopefully both.”

What is the key idea?

Our mindset influences how we experience challenges, solve problems and perform. Success does not automatically create happiness; rather, a positive mindset can influence our energy, creativity and ability to achieve success.

Why does it matter for managers?

Managers have a significant influence on the emotional environment of their teams. The way leaders communicate, respond to challenges and recognise progress affects motivation and engagement.

What can managers do differently?

  • Create an environment where people feel supported and valued.
  • Focus attention on progress and possibilities, not only problems.
  • Recognise achievements and celebrate success.
  • Be aware of the energy and attitude you bring to conversations.

Final thoughts: Motivation is created through everyday experiences

Motivation is not something leaders can simply give to people. It is influenced by the everyday experiences people have at work: whether they see meaning in what they do, whether they feel valued by others and whether they have the mindset and support needed to perform at their best.

The lessons from these TED Talks remind us that motivation is not only about rewards and incentives. It is about creating an environment where people feel their work matters, their contribution is recognised and their potential is supported.

For managers, the challenge is not to find one perfect way to motivate people. It is to understand what helps people engage, contribute and thrive—and then create more of those conditions every day.

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